


Man, I hate high school

by helptomandalex



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Boys Will Be Boys, F/F, F/M, M/M, and basic trends, and bullying, and youtube references, but mostly fluff and crack, expect tik tok jokes, girls will have fun, most characters are in high school, stanger things mentions, there isn't really a plot its just hetalia countries getting through highschool
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-06-02 14:38:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19443478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helptomandalex/pseuds/helptomandalex
Summary: Walk, tumble, and trip through high school with your favorite Hetalia characters, starring Alfred, Gilbert, and Matthias.





	1. Grad Party Time

Alfred gave his dusty, mirror-in-need-of-cleaning the biggest grin he could give. Today is his graduation party, and he’s just gotta be the coolest looking dude there right? Oh whatever, he already knows he’s the coolest out of entire-

There’s a bang at the bathroom door. “Al, hurry the fuck up!” Alfred knew that voice: his older brother Matt. 

Al rolls his eyes. “Ok ok! Chill your tits, Matt! Give me a minute.”

Matt didn’t care. He let himself in anyway. “Aw, look at that. My wittle bwaby brother getting ready for his gwad party!” Matt smirked and poked Al in the rib. 

“Hey,” the younger brother growled, “I’m in high school now. We’re equals.”

“Pff,” Matt couldn’t contain his snickers. “Yeah ok, freshie. I’m probably the only upper classman that’ll be able to tolerate you.” 

Alfred’s pride dissolved when a realized that we went from the top of the ranks; an eight grade legend, to the bottom; an annoying freshman. In this moment, and this moment only, would Alfred envy Matt for being a junior.

However, as soon as the mood went down, it came right back up again when the first ring came from the doorbell. Alfred’s head immediately shot up and he practically shot down the stairs at the speed of light. ‘Oh yeah baby,’ he prepared himself, ‘Alfred’s Grad Party is a fat go.’

Alfred violently swung the door open, and there he was: the first guest of night, and one of his closest friends, Kiku Honda. “Hey Kiku! What’s up?” He inched in.

Kiku smiled and waved to Alfred. He kept his beach towel wrapped around his arm along with a pair of dorky looking swim goggles. “Ah,” Kiku backed up from Alfred’s invasion of space, “I’m fine. How are you?”

Kiku’s politeness always made Alfred laugh. “I’m cool. Come in already!” He stepped back and let Kiku through the threshold. 

“Dad! Kiku is here!” 

Arthur Kirkland popped his head out from the kitchen. He nodded in acknowledgment to Kiku. “Alright, Alright. Why don’t you leave the gate open? Oh, and tell the rest to leave their towels by the pool.” 

“On it, old man.”

Arthur popped an eyebrow. “Watch your mouth, young man.”

Instantly, Alfred regretted his mouth, forgetting how scary his dad can get. 

“Uh, anyway, you can leave your stuff out by the pool. I’m pretty sure my pops is out there setting up snacks-“

The second ring from the doorbell this night. Nice. The doorbell would keep ringing till about 6, and everyone one was either in the pool or eating. 

‘This is good’ Alfred thought, as he looked around. Dad allowed Matt to invite a friend over, there weren’t any rotten watermelons, and no one has fainted yet.

Suddenly, Alfred felt a cold, wet hand ram itself onto his back. Man, this day was just full of interrupted thoughts. 

“Ew, what the hell.” Alfred twisted his body around to see his best buds, Gilbert and Matthias. All three boys grinned. 

“Dude,” Gilbert said, “this shit is sick.” 

“I know right?” Alfred grinned. His pride shot up again, as if it hadn’t already been obnoxiously high. 

“Boys,” Matthias spoke seriously, “are we just gonna ignore all the smokin’ hot bikinis at 3’o’clock?” Instantly, Al and Gil turned their heads. Whew. 

The girls all stood by the edge of pool, not even dipping a toe in, and acting all pretty. “Why aren’t they even in the pool? What are they talking about?” Gilbert wondered aloud. 

“You absolute dumbass.” Matthias scolded Gil. “Obviously these toned fuckin’ lads! Look at us! We're hot.” Matthias got a little too loud as he spoke about him and the other boys. 

“What?” Al laughed. He jabbed at Gil’s arm. “This boy is a literal noodle!”

“Hey! At least I don’t look like I was left in a fryer for an hour straight! And at least my hair doesn’t fucking defy gravity!”

Another round of laughter.

“Hey,” Matthias calmed down, “what if we gave those girls a little splish splash?”

All three boys grinned. 

“I’m down. Al?”

“Oh yeah.” 

Al, Gil, and Matthias swam up to the edge of the pool, popped up and- wham. From the glorious waters of the Kirkland’s pool, came the splash of the century.

Needless to say, everyone’s head turned when the group of girls squealed, but the three boys couldn’t contain their laughter.


	2. Shopping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ones more of a lil chapter about the characters and their interactions!

It was a Wednesday. 

Things are calm, Arthur Kirkland decided. Things are peaceful and he didn’t feel stressed.

HIs oldest son Matthew was on to his right, tapping away on his phone. His husband was on his left, sipping his cup of coffee and absorbing this mornings news.

Arthur closed his eyes and sighed happily. There was no stress.

No stress. Something about that feels odd...

Immediately, Arthur’s eyes flung open. “Where is Alfred!?”

Francis hummed. “I believe he is upstairs on that game of his. What is it again, Matthew?”

Matthew sighed. “Fortnite.” Alfred’s latest addiction.

“DAAAAAAAAAAD!”

Speak of the devil. 

“Why is it always me?” Arthur whispered to himself before exhaling. “Yes, Alfred?”

Alfred stomped into the living room, his face red, and his eyebrows furrowed. Arthur is just waiting for him complain. “We need to go shopping. NOW.”

Francis tsked. “Mon petit, don’t talk to your father like that-“

“I’m not.” Alfred snapped back. “I’m talking to you. I want you to take me shopping. Not Dad.”

“What?” Arthur spat. “But I always take you and Matt shopping!” The father frowned. What was wrong with him now? Usually it’s his cooking, but now it’s his ability to pay for clothes? Sheesh.

“Oh Arthur,” Francis smiled, “our boys need a style expert such as myself in their shopping trips. It’s not my fault you only buy sweaters in that nasty green color.”

Arthur’s nose crinkled. “How could you even say that? You can’t even button your bloody shirts correctly.”

“Non, it’s called style!” Francis giggled. “Anyway, Alfred, what do you need to go shopping for? You’ve got plenty of clothes, yes?”

“Plenty of clothes that need to get washed…” Arthur muttered.

“Because,” Alfred started, “I dress like an eighth grader, pop. I need to start dressing like a FRESHMAN. Duh.”

“Jesus,” Matt whispered. This new round of freshmen is really gonna be something else, won’t it?

Francis chuckled. “My Alfred is already in high school. I remember your first day of kindergarten, you know. Matt’s too.”

“Shopping.” Alfred reminded his pop, formerly known as papa.

Arthur joined in. “Our boys were so tiny! So cute too!”

“Shopping.”


	3. Juice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matthias makes a bet with Lukas.

“Lukas! The ride requires FOUR people! Don’t be a dick.” Matthias pouted. His older brother, Lukas, was being a real pussy. He just had to ruin his waterpark day. The tallest ride in the park had to be rode by four people for balance or whatever. It wasn’t dangerous at all! 

Lukas yawned. “No.” 

Matthias growled angrily. 

Alfred and Gil sat on their side of the picnic bench in their swim trunks, awkwardly keeping their mouths shut during Matthias and Lukas’s brawl. Obviously, they wanted Lukas to join their party for the water slide. However, they didn’t want to risk being brought it this. 

Matthias’s eyes scanned the table. Then, he spotted it: the holy plastic bottle cap he would use to convince Lukas. 

He held it up between his thumb and index finger. “Lukas,” his eyes shone with determination, “if I fling this cap into that trash can- you go on the damn ride.” 

Lukas sighed. “Yeah, ok, whatever Matthias.” 

Gil laughed loudly. “You’re kidding, right? No offense, but you’ll never make that.” 

“What!?” Matthias’s eyes grew wild. “Al, what do you think.” 

Alfred’s shoulders shifted position and he held his hand up in a “so-so” position. “Ehh,” Alfred’s mouth went from a straight line to a grin, “You’re kinda ass on the football field.” Gil’s laughter exploded beside him. 

Matthias gritted his teeth. If there was anyway to get him angry, it was riling him up about football. “Fuck you guys. I got juice. Watch this.” 

Matthias focused his eyes on the cap and trash can. Oh yes, the moment of truth, the moment everything would fall into place. He takes in a shallow breath, and pops the piece of plastic forward. Lo and behold, it falls straight into the can. 

“AHA!” Matthias jumps up. “YOU HAVE TO GET ON THE RIDE! I FUCKING WIN! I GOT JUICE, BITCHES. JUICE.” 

Lukas rolls his eyes. “Let’s get in line before I decide to abandon you here.” 

The line was long. Really long. Alfred got all jumpy and annoying. Gil only complained and groaned. Matthias only talked shit about Lukas and his “juice.” A 15 minute wait doesn’t seem like a long time, but with those three, 15 minutes is a lifetime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this made me realize how little i know about the scandinavian countries!


	4. Tryouts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some important characters have some important try outs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before you read this chapter, I gotta say, its hard writing tryouts for the sports you don't play! There are a lot more characters I wanted to write about in this chapter, but I just wouldn't know how to write they're sport! quality over quantity, though. If there are any characters you really want to see in this chapter, I'll consider going back and rewriting them into this one.

“Number 14?”

“Natalia Braginsky.”

“Great! Natalia, you did excellent in our previous exercises and the group dance. Do you have a special skill or sequence you’d like to show us?”

Natalia’s eyes widened a bit, completely forgetting about this part of the audition. All the years she’s been a dancer, all the competition auditions she’s been through, and she still manages to forget this part. “Uh, yes.”

“The floor is all yours.” Surprisingly, the head coach of the dance team had a nice, soothing voice, with a hint of humor in it. It wasn’t scary or strict, and not very demanding either. Not like most dance coaches she’s had.

Natalia makes her way to the corner of the gym. This gym. Her future high school gym, in a month at least.

She starts with a few simple chaînés, musters up all the strength she has for an aerial, the secret ingredient, and gives her sequence a cherry on top with a triple jazz pirouette into a lean. She brings her leg down and cleans.

“Wow. Thank you, Natalia.”

Natalia nods and smiles, before walking out the gym doors and giving number 15, Michelle, a thumbs up.

Two weeks later, she receives an e-mail. Immediately, she mindlessly scrolls to the bottom of the document, and realizes that this e-mail is bottomless. It doesn’t end, until it finally does, and she sees who exactly the e-mail is from: the head coach of her high schools dance team.

Natalia’s mouth forms a little smile, and her breathing pattern changes. She scrolls to the very top of the e-mail.

“Dear Ms. Braginsky,

Welcome to junior varsity dance team!”

Gilbert dribbles his basketball nervously, then he suddenly hears a click behind him- a short, red faced man appears from behind the heavy set gym doors. Gil immediately scooped his ball up and placed it on his hip.

The man happened to be the varsity basketball coach. Gilbert has only found this at the very last portion of his try out which he found odd. For his travel basketball team, the coaches always loved to introduce themselves and intimidate the new players.

The last part of his try out would be the three-on-three. He found himself with a tan, dark haired boy who seemed decent who introduced himself as Antonio, and a fair skinned, dark haired skinny kid who’s name was Boris. The other three boys seemed to be all similar to Gilbert and Antonio’s height, but they didn’t come close to Boris, who seemed to hit a mad growth spirt or something.

Seconds before jump ball, Gilbert could only pray that these two boys he just met would come through, and impress those coaches.

Two weeks later, he receives an e-mail. Immediately, he mindlessly scrolls to the bottom of the document, and realizes that this e-mail is _really fucking long_. It doesn’t end, until it finally does, and he sees who exactly the e-mail is from: the jv basketball coach for his high school.

“Dear Mr. Beilschmidt,

Welcome to junior varsity basketball!”

“Pitchers, this way.”

‘Wow…’ Alfred thought while floating around among the huge group of pitchers, ‘there are so many people here.’

“Hey, Al!”

“Hey, Toris!”

‘Finally!’ Alfred expected to see a few of his baseball buds here! He’d been playing baseball with Toris since they were about 10. Toris and Alfred weren’t they closest pair, but they definitely went back.

“You’re going for pitcher?” Toris asked, a blush creeping up his face for asking such a stupid question.

Alfred snorted. “Tor, we literally had our last game of the season, like, a week ago. Obviously I’m going for pitcher.”

“Yeah, yeah, I didn’t forget!” Toris often felt a little excluded when it came to their own baseball team. All the other boys are so rowdy and loud. Toris just isn’t like that.

Another loud call from the coaches called their attention. “Pitchers the right, catchers to the left!”

“Well, catch ya later Tor!”

“Bye Alfred.”

As the day went on, the sun got hotter, Alfred got sweatier, but he thought he had pitched pretty well! He prided himself on his awesome right pitch.

Then, before he knew it, every boy on the field was in line to hit. Before he knew, it was his turn to hit!

He grabbed his bat, and got in the right hitting stance. He looked the pitcher, one of the coaches, in the eye and felt his adrenaline spike. ‘Eye on the ball, Al.’

Suddenly, he saw the ball flying towards- Alfred had never been more angry in his life. A curve ball. Alfred was so ready to hit a straight pitch and this coach had the indecency to throw a nasty curve ball to this poor, poor freshie.

Alfred puffed his chest out and opened his mouth. “Are you-“

“Relax,” another coach spoke, “you get two more hits. Hey Chris! No more curve balls for the kids!”

Alfred scowled and got back into position. ‘I’ll show these fuckers.’

The ball came again, no faster than the last, but undoubtedly straight. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

_**Boom!** _

Alfred stood as he watched the ball he sent flying go to the outfield. It would be pretty badass to say he kept a straight face, but he thought he did better than expected, especially for an 100 mph pitch.

Nice.

Two weeks later, he receives an e-mail. Immediately, he mindlessly scrolls to the bottom of the document, and realizes that this e-mail does not stop! It doesn’t end, until it finally does, and he sees who exactly the e-mail is from: the jv baseball coach for his high school.

“Dear Mr. Kirkland,

Welcome to junior varsity baseball!”


	5. Boys Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's boys night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, I just finished watching Stranger Things recently.

“BOYS NIGHT BOYS NIGHT BOYS NIGHT BOYS NIGHT-“

“Will you three PLEASE be quiet.”

“Sorry dad!”

Boys night! Tonight, this holy, heavenly Saturday, is boys night. Gil and Matthias come over to Al’s house, they eat more calories than times they blink, break more Play Station controllers than they can afford, and a new edition: Stranger Things grind.

This boys night, Alfred had successfully convinced his dad to pick them up Mcdonald’s. The boys didn’t pay attention to the salt that fell off their fingers because Eleven and her friends hiding from the Mind Flayer were much more important.

“Guys, what if there’s a Mind Flayer or something in our town.” Matthias whispered.

Silence.

Gilbert spoke. “We should sneak out. Fight some monsters. Become heroes; everyone loves us. Get money AND bitches.”

“Are you kidding me?” Alfred exclaimed, his eyes bulging out of his head. “My dad will KILL us. There’s no such thing as monsters anyway.”

Matthias shrugged and looked at Gilbert. “I mean, I’d rather die via Mind Flayer than Mr. Kirkland. Seems so much cooler.”

“Yeah!” Gilbert agreed. Their peer pressure slowly got to Alfred. “Grow a pair and sneak out with us, Al!”

Al frowned. He didn’t like this. He knew he would be getting in some big trouble tonight. He sighed and pulled his phone out. 11:52 P.M. He might as well delete his search history now before his dad gets ahold of it. “Let’s go.”

“Yes!”

“This boys tonight will go down in history, Al!”

The boys creeped out from the basement onto the main floor and gathered their weapons. Nerf guns, bike helmets, and some water bottles. Gil also insists on bringing pickle juice, “incase someone tries to attack us.” Matthias insists that “Gilbert you make no sense,” and “you are a dumbass.”

12:13 A.M. “Ready boys?” Matthias grins.

Alfred groaned as Gilbert cheered. “ _Boys night boys night boys niiight_!”

“Shut UP, someone’s gonna hear you. Crazy cunts. We’re gonna die.” Alfred stated, leading the boys to his front door, which seems like inevitable trouble. Alfred has always been a “what the fuck, let’s do this” type of guy, but he didn’t feel like getting an ass beating from his dad.

“Relax, Al,” Gil whispered, “I got pickle juice.” Gil’s body shook before he let out an enormous fit of giggles.

“Shut the fuck up about your pickle juice Gil.”

“Sorry sorry sorry.”

The cool breeze of Alfred’s front yard hit the trio’s faces. Freedom. Freedom at last.

“Where are we even supposed to go now?” Al’s voice was bitter and condescending. ‘What’re we gonna do now you stupid fucks?’ Ugh.

“Well-“

Matthias was cut off my a sudden noise. One of the bushes in front of Al’s house moved.

All the boys looked at the bush, then at each other, and decided what had to be decided without words: RUN.

So they ran. They ran fast. Back to the basement. These boys aren’t badasses, they just don’t know what to do with their time.

**Author's Note:**

> i can't wait to get more involved with this. comments and kudos are appreciated!


End file.
